So often we feel stuck in a rut and believe we have no CHOICES. We go about our routines, snuggle up in our comfort zone and see this as our only choice, as our destiny on how we should live our lives. This can be the result of our upbringing, of what we have been brainwashed into or simply what we believe is expected of us, just to name a few. We feel we keep going around in circles…
Is that really true or do we just use it as an excuse?
Most likely it is a bit of both. It is so much easier to put the blame on our childhood, the difficult circumstances or whatever, than take charge and with that take the responsibility for our own life and our actions.
I truly believe in CHOICES (even the bad ones)!
I have made countless (and I really mean it) bad CHOICES in my life but just as many good and even some great ones. One CHOICE was to NOT be a victim. I had a challenging (but not all too shabby) childhood with ups and downs (like most of us). The greatest deliberate CHOICE I made when I was seven years old, was not to be like my parents when I grow up. I can say with absolute certainty that I didn’t and I have two amazing children to prove it. I have made some very bad CHOICES trusting the wrong people in my life but I must admit that it has made me the person I am today, and even if I find it more difficult to trust others, I still made the CHOICE to rather get hurt than to run around mistrusting everyone. And yes, I am one of those people who learn the hard way. When I realized that I do have CHOICES, that I do not have to follow the same pattern (sounds easier in theory than it actually is and I constantly struggle with those patterns) it was nevertheless very liberating. This is where the Ennegram was a great helper and still is.
I speak quite a bit about comfort zones in but I do not mind repeating myself once in a while (am I boring you?). These zones are so very often all but comfortable, they are wrong, painful and at times even toxic. So why do we stay in them and even snuggle up in them, carrying them like a trophy?
- We know what to expect
- We feel safe within the known
- We feel we have no choices
- We are creatures of habit
- We are terrified of the unknown outside of these zones
So what are options or possibilites to get out of this rut?
- We can embrace the unknown – takes some courage and one or the other leap of faith
- Really think about what could realistically happen if we change someting (start small)
- Analyse what other scenarios could be and what the concequences of different choises entail
- Write down your daily habits and take a critical look at what is really beneficial for you and your wellbeing
- Overcome your fear of the unknown and become a little more adventurous by dipping your toe outside your comfort zone (most of the time the anticipated catasprohe will not occur)
I realise it sounds so simple in theory and know all too well how unbelievalbly difficult and challenging it is, or can be, in reality. Sometimes we need help and support from the outside, when we ourselves often have a tunnel vision on things and the emotions keep bubbling to the surface at all times. We need someone with an outside and non-emotional view and no agenda to show us other ways to approach certain situations with a fresh perspective. This can be a good friend, a relative, a coach or a therapist or whoever. We all need help once in a while to show us that we really do have CHOICES and to help us make the right one or at least better ones. Someone to help us make more of the good CHOICES that help us to make our lives better, richer, more satisfying and in the end happier.
Just think about the CHOICES you have made in your life so far; which ones were forced by the circumstances of your life, which were made deliberately and which ones made intuitively. As long as you realise that you have choices in your life, you are on the right track. Start small and practice…